 |
Jokes,
jokes, jokes!!!
Laugh With
Us - Just For Fun
We Have The
Jokes - Enjoy
This website is just for fun,
packed with great humor and laughs. |
|
|
|
Every Saturday, Travis has and early tee time,
gets up early and plays golf all day.
One Saturday morning, he gets up early, dresses
quietly, gets his clubs out of the closet, and goes
out to his car to drive to the golf course.
It is raining a torrential downpour, there is snow mixed
with the rain and the wind is blowing 50 mph.
He comes back into the house and turns the TV to the
weather channel. From there he finds it's going to be bad
weather all day. He puts his clubs back into the closet,
quietly undresses and slips back into bed where he
cuddles up to his wife's back and whispers,
'The weather out there is terrible.'
To which she replies,
'And can you believe my stupid husband is out there golfing?'
|
|
|
|
A man absolutely hated his wife's cat and
decided to
get rid of it one day by driving it 20 blocks from his
home and leaving it at the park. As he was getting home,
the cat was walking up the driveway.
The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away.
He put the beast out and headed home. Driving back up
his driveway, there was the cat!
He kept taking the cat further and further and the cat
would always beat him home.
At last he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right,
then left, past the bridge, then right again and another
right until he reached what he thought was a safe
distance from his home and left the cat there.
Hours later the man calls home to his wife:
'Jen, is the cat there?'
'Yes', the wife answers, 'why do you ask?'
Frustrated, the man answered, 'Put that son of a cat
on the phone, I'm lost and need directions!' |
|
|
Click Here
to download our FREE eBook
How to be Happy and
Have Fun Changing the World. |
|
|
An old married couple scheduled their annual medical
examinations on the same day so they could travel
together. After the examination, the doctor then said
to the old man, 'You appear to be in good health, do
you have any medical concerns you would like to
discuss with me?'
'In fact I do,' said the man. 'After I have sex with my
wife for the first time, I am usually hot and sweaty.
And then, after I have sex with my wife the second time,
I am usually cold and chilly.'
'This is very interesting,' replied the doctor. 'I have never
heard of this before. Let me do some research and get
back to you.'
After examining the old lady, the doctor said, 'Everything
appears to be fine. Do you have any medical concerns
you would like to discuss with me?' The lady replied that
she had no questions.
The doctor then asked, 'Your husband had an unusual
concern. He says that after having sex for the first time,
he is usually hot and sweaty. And then, after sex the
second time he is usually cold and chilly. Do you know
why?'
'Oh that old coot!' replied the lady. 'That's because the
first time is usually in summer and the second time is
usually in winter!'
|
|
|
|
|
A lady approaches a priest and tells him,
'Father,
I have a problem. I have two female talking parrots,
but they only know how to say one thing.'
'What do they say?' the priest inquired.
'They only know how to say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes.
Do you want to have some fun?'
'That's terrible!' the priest exclaimed, 'but I have a
solution to your problem. Bring your two female
parrots over to my house and I will put them with
my two male talking parrots who I taught to pray
and read the bible. My parrots will teach your
parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and
your female parrots will learn to praise and worship.'
'Thank you!' the woman responded.
The next day, the lady brings her female parrots
to the priest's house. His two male parrots are
holding rosary beads and praying in their cage.
The lady puts her female parrots in with the male
parrots and the female parrots say, 'Hi, we're
prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?'
One male parrot looks over at the other male
parrot and exclaims, 'Put the beads away.
Our prayers have been answered!' |
|
|
|
|
A large two engine train was crossing America.
After
they had gone some distance one of the engines
broke down. 'No problem,' the engineer thought, and
carried on at half power. Farther on down the line, the
other engine broke down, and the train came to a standstill.
The engineer decided he should inform the passengers
about why the train had stopped, and made the following
announcement:
'Ladies and gentlemen, I have some good news and some
bad news. The bad news is that both engines have failed,
and we will be stuck here for some time. The good news
is that you decided to take the train and not fly.' |
|
|
|
A vampire bat came flapping in from the night
covered
in fresh blood and parked himself on the cave's roof to
get some sleep. Soon all the other bats smelled the
blood and began hassling him about where he got it.
He told them to shut up and let him get some sleep,
but they persisted until he finally gave in. 'OK, follow me.'
He flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him.
Down through a valley they went, across a river and into
a forest of trees. Finally he slowed down and all the other
bats excitedly milled around him.
'Do you see that tree over there?'
'YES, YES, YES!!' the bats all screamed in a frenzy.
'Well I didn't!' |
|
|
Click Here
to download our FREE
Internet Wealth Report |
|
|
Three old ladies are sitting in a diner,
chatting about
various things. One lady says, 'You know, I'm getting
really forgetful. This morning, I was standing at the top
of the stairs, and I couldn't remember whether I had
just come up or was about to go down.'
The second lady says, 'You think that's bad? The
other day, I was sitting on the edge of my bed, and I
couldn't remember whether I was going to bed or had
just woken up!'
The third lady smiles smugly. 'Well, my memory's
just as good as it's always been, knock on wood.'
She raps the table. With a startled look on her face,
she asks, 'Who's there?' |
|
|
|
|
Sometimes women are overly suspicious of their husbands.
When Adam stayed out very late for a few nights, Eve
became upset. 'You're running around with other women,'
she charged.
'You're being unreasonable,' Adam responded. 'You're the
only woman on earth.' The quarrel continued until Adam
fell asleep, only to be awakened by someone poking him
in the chest.
It was Eve. 'What do you think you're doing?' Adam demanded.
'Counting your ribs,' said Eve.
|
|
 |
|
In a certain suburban neighborhood, there were
two
brothers, 8 and 10 years old, who were exceedingly
mischievous. Whatever went wrong in the neighborhood,
it turned out they had had a hand in it. Their parents
were at their wit's end trying to control them.
Hearing about a priest nearby who worked with
delinquent boys, the mother suggested to the father
that they ask the priest to talk with the boys.
The mother went to the priest and made her request.
He agreed, but said he wanted to see the younger boy
first and alone. So the mother sent him to the priest.
The priest sat the boy down across a huge, impressive
desk he sat behind. For about five minutes they just
sat and stared at each other. Finally, the priest pointed
his forefinger at the boy and asked, 'Where is God?'
The boy looked under the desk, in the corners of the
room, all around, but said nothing.
Again, louder, the priest pointed at the boy and asked,
'Where is God?'
Again the boy looked all around but said nothing.
A third time, in a louder, firmer voice, the priest leaned
far across the desk and put his forefinger almost to the
boy's nose, and asked, 'Where is God?'
The boy panicked and ran all the way home,
found
his older brother and told him,
'We are in BIG trouble now. God is missing and they think we did it.' |
|
 |
|
An elderly European man asked the local priest
to
hear his confession: 'Father, during WW2 a beautiful
woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide
her from the Germans. I hid her in my attic.'
The priest replied, 'That was a wonderful thing you
did and you have no need to confess.'
'It's gets worse, Father. I was weak and told her that
I would hide her but, she must repay me with her
sexual favors.'
'You were both in great danger and would have
suffered terribly if the Germans had found her. God,
in his wisdom and mercy, will balance the good and
the evil and judge you kindly. For your penance; say
3 'Our Father's' and 3 'Hail Mary's' and Go In Peace,
my son - your sins are forgiven.'
'Thank you, Father, That's a great load off my mind.
I have only one more question.'
'And what is that?' asked the priest.
The old man replied, 'Should I tell her the war is over?' |
|
|
|
|
|
|