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Jokes,
jokes, jokes!!!
Laugh With
Us - Just For Fun
We Have The
Jokes - Enjoy
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How do you make a politician laugh on Friday?
Tell him a joke on Monday!
How do you know when a politician is lying?
His lips are moving.
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The Grass Eater:
A man was riding in the back of his limousine
when he saw a man eating grass by the roadside.
He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.
"Why are you eating grass?" he asked the man.
"I don't have any money for food," the poor man replied.
"Oh, please come to my house!"
"But sir, I have a wife and four children..."
"Bring them along!" the rich man said.
They all climbed into the limo. Once underway, the poor fellow said,
"Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us in."
The rich man replied, "No, you don't understand.
The grass at my house is over three feet tall!"
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Hanukkah Gift Guilt
A Jewish guy's mother gave him two sweaters for Hanukkah.
The next time he visited her, he made sure to wear one.
As he walked into the house, his mother frowned and said,
"What's the matter? You didn't like the other one?"
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Q. Why is air like sex?
A. Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.
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What's the difference between an in-law and an outlaw?
Outlaws are wanted.
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A tourist was visiting the 'bayous' in the southern U.S.A.
and asked a robust young lady if there are any Alligators around.
She replied, "Why yes, there is a big one right over there!"
They both went to see this 'gator' which was indeed a large one.
The visitor commented out loud,
"I'd give $150 for a pair of Alligator shoes".
The young lady, willing to please the visitor,
jumps into the water and wrestles with the 'gator'.
Rolling over and over they went and finally,
covered with muddy water and weeds,
she comes out and disappointedly announces,
"I'm sorry sir, but this 'gator' wasn't wearing any shoes today!"
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The Governor made room in his busy calendar
to hear the pleas of one Mrs. Smith
that her husband be released from the state penitentiary.
'What was he sentenced for?' asked the Governor gently.
'For stealing a loaf of bread,' nervously replied the offender's wife.
'Is he a good husband?'
'No,' she replied frankly, blushing a bit.
'He beats me when he gets drunk, he bullies our children, he's unfaithful,
and really not much good at all.'
'It sounds to me as though you're better off without him,' said the Governor.
'Why on earth do you want him out of jail?'
'Well,' she explained, 'we're out of bread again!
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Bill goes to see his supervisor in the front office.
'Boss,' he says, 'we're doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow,
and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage,
moving and hauling stuff.'
'We're short-handed, Bill,' the boss replies.
'I can't give you the day off.'
'Thanks, Boss,' says Bill 'I knew I could count on you!
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A man was chosen for jury duty who very much wanted to be dismissed from serving.
He was trying every excuse in the world trying to get out of it but none of them worked.
On the day of the trial he decided to give it one more shot.
As the trial was about to begin he asked if he could approach the bench.
'Your Honour,' he said, 'I must be excused from this trial because
I am prejudiced against the defendant.
I took just one look at the man in the Grey suit with those beady eyes
and that dishonest face and I said, 'He's a crook! He's guilty, guilty, guilty.
So your Honor, I could not possibly stay on this jury!'
With a tired annoyance the judge replied,
'Get back in the jury box. That man is his lawyer!'
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There was this little guy sitting in a bar, drinking,
minding his own business when all of a sudden this
great big dude comes in and --WHACK!!-- knocks
him clean off the bar stool and onto the floor.
The big dude says, 'That was a karate chop from Korea.'
The little guy thinks 'GEEZ,' but he gets back up
on the stool and starts drinking again when all of a
sudden --WHACK-- the big dude knocks him down
AGAIN and says, 'That was a judo chop from Japan.'
So the little guy has had enough of this... He gets up,
brushes himself off and quietly leaves.
The little guy is gone for an hour or so when he returned.
Without saying a word, he walks up behind the big idiot
and --Bong!!! -- bangs the big dude off his stool,
knocking him to the ground.
The little guy looks at the big dude and says,
'That was a Crowbar from Sears.'
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